Nights spent in New Zealand = 8. Nights spent in our tent = 2. Buying camping equipment and not using it = priceless.

So our original plan was to head to Hastings, camp there for two nights, go and see Chris’s cousin Amanda and also visit Napier aquarium. However, whilst driving to Hastings Chris hit Jen with the revelation that he wasn’t really that arsed about going to the aquarium, to which Jen replied “hmmm me neither. Let’s discuss this” (actually she said “WHAT THE F?!?! WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING BEFORE?!? THIS IS WHY WE NEED A PLAN! THIS IS WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF! WAH WAH WAH WAH…”) so we stopped for a quick conference at Lake Taupo. Which is bloody beautiful by the way. After a strawberry milkshake Jen was much calmer and we agreed that we didn’t need to spend two nights in Hastings and that actually we could bin off the aquarium, squeeze in a quick visit to Amanda’s and head to Wellington a day early. This meant we could also get the ferry to the South Island a day earlier and we agreed that this was a winning plan.

We made a quick call to Alan to see if they were still at Amanda’s and he told us we were welcome to join them for dinner and spend the night at Amanda’s house so we wouldn’t need to pitch the tent at all. This made us very pleased so we set off for Hastings. On the way there we drove down some very windy mountain roads and saw loads of stunning scenery that looked very Lord Of The Rings-y, so we stopped to take a few photos.

When we arrived at Amanda’s we had time for a quick change before they took us out for dinner at a local English/Irish pub called the Rose & Shamrock. It felt a little bit like we’d stepped into a parallel universe as it looked like an Irish pub inside and they had Murphys, Guinness, John Smiths & Boddingtons on tap - but they were surrounded by loads of weird local bitters. But we had a nice meal and it was lovely to spend more time with Alan, Pam & Amanda.

The following day they took us to a local Farmers’ Market in Napier which was ace as there were loads of little tasty treats that you could try. 

Whilst we were there Amanda’s boyfriend Stu called her and told her there had been a tsunami warning. We were slightly concerned but they assured us it was probably nothing to worry about, that they had had tsunami warnings before and nothing had come of it. They then told us that they were taking us to the beach. Jen started to feel a bit nervous.

On the way to the beach Jen discovered (via the medium of iphone) that there had been an 8.8-magnitude earthquake in Chile and that they were warning of tsunami waves up to 3 metres high, anything up to 12 hours after the quake. So by the time we reached the beach we weren’t really in the mood for paddling and were glad when it was time to go home.

We went back to Amanda’s for lunch and after some quick family photos in the garden we set off on the 4-hour drive to Wellington. Coincidentally we also stopped on this drive for some milkshakes but I can’t remember why we stopped. We just really like milkshakes.

On the way to Wellington we read in the book that there are no campsites there so we rang a few hostels to see if they had any double or twin rooms available for that night after Chris said “I don’t want to stay in a ropey dorm with a load of soap-dodgers”. What with it being the capital and all, most places were fully booked so we ended up taking a room at the YHA which despite being a hostel cost more for one night than two nights camping had cost us in Rotorua. But after the long drive we were just glad to have a bed and a shower.

We went out into Wellington - which is a very windy place - and had some Mexican food at a place we’d read about in the Lonely Planet book. Then we did washing, internet stuff and went to bed.

Today we had a bit of a lie-in and so missed the free bagels at breakfast which was a bit disappointing but we prefer sleeping to carbohydrates. Then we spent hours and hours at Te Papa which is a massive museum here in Wellington that has 6 floors. We only saw about half of it before we had to leave due to information overload. But we did see a giant squid, a whale skeleton and loads of Maori artefacts which were all very cool.

Then we took the cable car (it’s like a tram really) up the hill to look at the view over Wellington; there are also botanical gardens up there. After Chris said “I’m not really that bothered about the botanical gardens” Jen used Jedi mind tricks to get him to walk round the botanical gardens where we saw a beautiful rose garden - so we took Mummy Wheway’s advice literally and took some time to smell the roses.

Tonight we came back to the hostel and cooked some dinner as well as packing sandwiches for tomorrow. We’ve got a very early start as we’re getting the ferry to the South Island at 8:30am; we’re spending the rest of our evening planning our route.

This blog entry is not very exciting with no hilarious tales of japes and scrapes. But it’s nice. And sometimes it’s nice to be nice.

We like learning! But Jen doesn't like people. Except Chief Bill.

So we left Alan & Pam’s nice and early with the car full of treats from Pam, like home-grown avocados & apples, a tea towel & some cutlery, some old bath towels that we could throw away when we were finished with them, and a roll of loo roll (Pam: “because you never know”).

We set off for Waitomo to go and see the caves and the glow-worms. When we arrived we had some time before our tour started so we went for some lunch in the café - which was full of soap-dodging douchebags who had just been on the “super awesome black water rafting YEAH!”. We sat quietly amongst them and ate our lunch before Jen turned to Chris and said “I don’t really like people”.

Soon it was time for our tour so we donned our pack-a-macs for the first time this trip (we looked awesome) and got onto a little mini-bus to go down to the caves. Luckily not with any of the douchebags, just a few geeks and an old American couple who had their socks pulled up really high. Firstly we went down to Ruakuri cave which was really cool with loads of stalagmites and stalagtites and stories of wild dogs and people being buried under rubble. We also saw some glow-worms but the man told us they are not worms they are actually maggots and they glow because they are pooing. Nice.

Next we went down to Waitomo cave where a nice lady pretty much told us the same stuff that the guy on the first tour had - only with less stories about dogs and death, and more about singing and Dame Kiri Te Kanawa. But then she took us on an awesome boat trip round some really dark caves so we could see thousands of glow worms on the ceiling which was very cool - but we remembered to keep our mouths closed because of the poo.

After the boat trip we left Waitomo to drive to Rotorua to set up camp. We had been warned about the eggy smell in Rotorua due to all the sulphur from the geothermic activity but Jen thinks they layed on extra egg for our arrival. Our campsite was just outside Rotorua near Lake Tikitapu (Blue Lake).which was ridiculously beautiful. We set up the tent without any shouting from Jen and pumped up the air mattress before leaving the campsite to go to the supermarket.

As mentioned in earlier blogs we are determined not to waste all our money on eating out so we thought we would be really good and buy food from the supermarket to cook for dinner that night and make lunch for the next day. But it seems the food gods are still against us and even in somewhere called “Pak & Save” the food was still expensive - paying $3.50 for two slices of ham from the deli nearly tipped Jen over the edge. We headed back to the campsite and cooked up a delicious feast of sausages, onion & baked beans all using one tiny pan that we paid about £9,000 for. After some sausages and a beer we felt better and went to bed.

The next day we got up nice and early to go to Wai-O-Tapu Thermal Wonderland as there is a geyser there that erupts every morning at 10:15 - we thought this seemed like a very exact time for a geyser but when we got there we realised that it’s because a man from the park chucks a bar of biodegradable soap in there every day at that time which causes the eruption. It was still very cool and the water was around 20 metres high which meant we got a bit wet!

Walking round the thermal wonderland took a few hours and was really interesting and we saw loads of geothermic activity like bubbling mud pools, acid lakes and holes in the ground with steam coming out of them. We stopped to eat our sandwiches (containing $3.50 of ham) at a bench amongst some trees looking out over an amazing view of Wai-O-Tapu and felt very pleased. An old lady walking past said “that’s a good idea” and it was.

That evening we went to Mitai Maori Village for a Maori cultural experience and meal. We absolutely loved it. A nice man called Manuel picked us up in a mini-bus full of middle-aged English people some of whom were really posh and some who were a bit rough. The posh ones kept saying things like “oh yah, no it was super but the weather was bloody awful and I thought remind me why we‘re here again?” and the rough ones said things like “oh yeah we done the tranz-alpine. You gotta do it”.

When we arrived at the Mitai Maori Village we sat in a big marquee with about 100 other people and our guide Uncle Ben introduced himself.

Chris: his name was Cousin Ben, not Uncle Ben - he’s the bloke that makes the rice

Jen: I prefer Uncle Ben.

Uncle Ben explained to us that one of our group would have to be chosen as chief and would later give a speech to the Maori chief. An old American bloke from Colorado put his hand straight up in the air - his name was Bill. Jen is a little bit obsessed with old people and so instantly fell in love with Chief Bill.

Chris: he looked like skeletor in golfing gear.



Then Uncle Ben took us outside to see where they were cooking our food in the traditional way in a big pit called a Hangi - loads of lamb, chicken, roast potatoes and roast sweet potatoes. It smelt bloody lovely.

After he said a quick prayer we went down to the river where the Maori men arrived on a canoe and then we followed them up to the auditorium where we watched them do a brilliant show including traditional dancing, singing, fighting, a haka, and then the Maori chief gave a speech. After which Chief Bill had to do his speech. He said something about us all being very honoured to be there and how we had come to learn their traditions, their culture and their “ways”. Jen loved it, almost cried, and said to Chris in her usual understated fashion “I love Chief Bill. This is the best thing in my life ever.” Chris really liked how many times they used the word “chief”.

This is Chief Bill giving his speech! That's Uncle Ben on the right! (Jen chose this photo)

After the show we went back to the marquee to enjoy the traditional meal which was accompanied by other traditional Maori food such as tuna pasta salad, coleslaw and garlic bread…? It was all delicious and for pudding there was trifle and chocolate log. More traditional Maori fare.

Jen really wanted to tell Chief Bill how much she loved him and his speech but she chickened out and instead settled for standing next to him when we went on the walk after the meal to see the glow worms in the bush. Yes, more glow worms. They’re everywhere.

Chris: When I was in the toilet I heard Chief Bill do a massive fart

Jen: I don’t care I still love him.

The following day we had another early start to pack up the tent as we were leaving Rotorua. Whilst we were packing up the tent a massive cicada fell from the tree and landed near to Chris and he freaked out. Jen laughed a lot. She wasn’t laughing later on when the same thing happened to her but this time the cicada fell on her head. There was much squealing and flicking of hair.

Chris packing up the tent.

Before leaving Rotorua we stopped in at Rainbow Springs Wildlife Park and Kiwi Conservation Centre. The wildlife park was ok but the kiwi conservation centre was brilliant. Our tour guide Murray told us it was the biggest kiwi conservation centre in New Zealand so we were hoping to see some cool stuff and we weren’t disappointed. He showed us some eggs in the incubators which were getting ready to hatch in the next few days, then we watched a quick video of a kiwi hatching before going through to look at the nursery where we saw a 2-week-old kiwi bird being fed by one of the women who worked there. She sat it on her lap and fed it little bits of meat - it was very cute.

Then we went into the nocturnal house where they had 3 kiwis - one was 2 months, one was 4 months and the other was over 50! He said she had been living at Rainbow Springs since before the conservation centre was there and she didn’t want to leave. It was awesome to see them running around and snuffling for insects.
We weren't allowed to take any photos of the kiwis so instead, here are some photos of us titting about in front of a big picture of a kiwi:

We’re leaving Rotorua now and driving down to Hastings to see Chris’s cousin Amanda who lives there and hopefully Alan & Pam again, who are visiting her for the weekend.

Down on the farm

So after going to watch Avatar - which we loved by the way - we stuck by our decision to not waste all our money on steaks and so went for a lovely long walk around Auckland searching for any food which was not fried and was less than $20. Apparently this does not exist. We got very moody with one another and ended up settling for a pizza which had doner kebab meat on it - which was cheap, but not particularly nutritious. However by this point it was late and I think we would have eaten a small dog if came with BBQ sauce. And was less than $20 obviously.

We then headed back to the hotel for our last night of sleep in a hotel for some time. Only to be woken at 2am by the loudest fire alarm in the world. We were slightly baffled (at first Chris thought it was our alarm to get up in the morning) so we casually took our time getting dressed, getting the passports out of the safe, going for a wee - you can see fire safety is a real area of concern for us. We still didn't really want to leave the comfort of our room so we read the hotel information pack, which helpfully informed us that if the alarm sounds we should evacuate. So we did. Onto the street in pyjamas and jumpers with all the other disgruntled hotel guests who had equally sticky-up hair and confused faces. We couldn't see any smoke and eventually the manager emerged to inform us all that there was no fire, but they had recently had a new fire alarm system installed and "the slighest thing"could set it off - but he didn't know how to turn it off. Genius.

Then a grand total of 5 fire engines turned up and after about 20 minutes they manged to turn it off. So we went back to bed. And then it went off again at 4am. But luckily only for a minute so not even long enough for us to get up and and go for a wee again.

In the morning we agreed that we would complain in our very best outraged English voices but instead Jen just stood uncomfortably by the bags whilst Chris sorted it all out and we ended up getting $50 off the bill. This made us feel better about the accidental steaks from the first night so we left pleased.

We then set off for Alan & Pam's farm - being careful not to go above the speed limit of only 100km/h (60mph) on the motorway which was a new experience for Chris. He loves driving slowly. We stopped on the way for breakfast at some ropey service station only to see loads of much nicer cafes on the way there.

We arrived at the farm in the early afternoon and Pam showed us around. They mostly grow avocados but they also have oranges and pumpkins and apples and plums and a whole heap of other fruit. It was nice and sunny and it all looked beautiful. Then Alan came home from work and they took us out for a drive around Tauranga and then a walk round Mount Maunganui which was very pretty. Then they took us out for dinner which was also very nice! After dinner we felt ridiculously tired so we ended up going to bed at about 9:30.

This morning we went out with Pam to Tauranga again and had a mooch round some shops - she also took us to the beach and we had our first paddle in the pacific ocean. It was a beautiful day and we saw lots of old people on the beach looking the colour of beetroots. Then Pam took us for lunch and we came home to use their computer for the afternoon to try and sort out where the hell we're actually going to go for the next few weeks. Which was useful.

This evening they cooked us pizzas in Alan's outdoor pizza oven which he built himself - again, bloody delicious.

Tomorrow morning we're leaving to go and see the glow worms at Waitomo caves and then on to Rotorua to pitch our little tent for the first time near Blue Lake. We will be sad to say bye to Alan & Pam and the farm but it's about time we stopped fannying about.

Sorry there are no photos in this post but this is not our computer. It's Uncle Alan's. And it's fancy.

Auckland - How much for a sleeping bag?!?

So after travelling through time and space we arrived in Auckland on Sunday morning, although it should have been Saturday, feeling slightly odd, sleepy and a bit rough. We slept most of the 12 hours from LAX to Auckland with brief interludes for dinner, breakfast and for Jen to do a little bit of sick.

We picked up our shiny blue Subaru Legacy at the airport and drove to our hotel in Auckland where they told us our room wouldn't be ready for another 90 hours. It was actually only about 3 hours but Jen was tired and cross so it felt longer. For both of us. So we went for a bit of a wander around Auckland and tried to buy a tent and a sleeping bag for Jen as we will be camping for the rest of the time in NZ. We originally went to some kind of specialist camping shop where they wanted at least $100 for a sleeping bag. If you remember Jen was tired and cross so this went down like a sack of shit.

We returned to the hotel where the room still wasn't ready so we stood at the desk looking sad till it was. We then had a sleep for a few hours and showered and went back out into Auckland, down to the harbour for some delicious steaks that they served raw and you cooked them yourselves on a very hot stone. Would never happen in the UK - ooh it would be a health & safety nightmare (!). We then remembered that we're supposed to be travelling on a shoestring and we can't really afford steaks but they were bloody delicious so we don't care.

We went to bed dead early because Jen kept saying that her head didn't feel like it belonged to her body and Chris was worried she was a bit mental.

On our second day in Auckland (city of sails but not sales) we felt much better so got up early and went up the Sky Tower where we stood on the glass ceiling thing. Chris was a bit terrified and Jen found it very funny. 

It was a lovely sunny day so the views were awesome and we took a ridiculous amount of photos of stuff and buildings that were far away and we won't remember what they are later.

We also watched people bunging jumping from the top of the tower and mocked them for their foolishness.

Then we went to some cheaper shops we had found online and got a tent, an airbed and some pillows. We also went to another shop to get Jen a sleeping bag and after looking at more that were around $200 (!!!!) we had a conversation with the woman that went like this:

Jen: "How much is your cheapest sleeping bag?"
Shop woman: "What thickness do you want?"
Jen: "The cheapest one"

Shop woman: "What season?
Chris: "The cheapest one"
Shop woman: "We have this one for $49.95. And it has 10% off today."
Chris & Jen: "Sold."

We then had some lunch and came back to the hotel for a lie-down and some blog posting. In a bit we're going to the IMAX to watch Avatar and then maybe more steaks... I mean, more food that is dead cheap and affordable and doesn't use up all our money in the first week. Honest.

Tomorrow we're making the 2-hour drive to Chris's Uncle Alan & Auntie Pam's farm near Tauranga. We're staying with them for 2 days before the camping fun begins.

We hope you enjoyed this awesome blog about sleeping bags.

Day 1: Where are we? What time is it? What's my name...?

Hello to you all,

This is our first blog entry and there will be many more to follow...! We hope to keep you all updated on our adventures and hilarious escapades, and not bore the crap out of you in the process. We are currently sitting in Starbucks in Venice Beach, Los Angeles and sneakily nicking their power to charge our laptop. Today has been very long and very baffling - we still have no idea what time it really is.

We left Crouch End in a cab, cleverly disguised as a blue transit van, at 7:30am this morning. On arrival at Heathrow Jen was overjoyed to discover that her bag weighed a measly 12.6kg whilst Chris's weighed 18.5kg. To all of you who thought Jen could never travel light - suck on that!

After a delicious sausage & bacon sandwich from Pret we took off on our first of two 12-hour flights.

On the flight here we discovered many things, including:
1.) Lewis Hamilton flies BA
2.) If the air steward has the same surname as you, you can get two bottles of wine with your lunch and get slightly twatted at lunchtime

3.) Dick from Dick & Dom In Da Bungalow also flies BA. (alone) (and looks well rough).
4.) Men who work at customs at LAX are mean

After 12 hours of movies, food in trays and floppy-head tube-style sleeping we arrived at LAX. After the man at customs told Jen off for not “understanding the terms & conditions of this international treaty you have signed!” - we left the airport and headed for Venice Beach expecting colourful characters and a bustling seafront. What we found was a bit like Camden Market, only by the sea, and a bit more grubby. And with more homeless people and stoners. Oh and legal marijuana clinics for “medicinal” purposes.

Chris: I think we should include the word "douchebag" in every blog entry

Jen: Why?

Chris: I like the word "douchebag"

Jen: I like the word "shush". Now focus Brennan.

Chris: Im going to call you "douchebag" from now on.

After an hour of walking down the seafront we headed to the “Venice Whaler” for some food & beer. Chris always orders the best meal & this was no exception. Jen ordered Buffalo wings and Chris ordered potato skins. The wings however were not covered in BBQ sauce but some kind of molten-hot dragon’s breath sauce. Long story short they mainly tasted rank and we ended up swapping. This may not be the last time this happens on this trip...!

Now off to find some Wi-Fi so we can post this first instalment before we have to go back to LAX for another gruelling 12 hour flight.

Tune in next time Douchebags!